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Alyssa Milano, Big Feet & Pubic Hair: That’s What Little Boys Are Afraid Of [Missdemeanors]

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. This week was pretty slow, but there was some smack-talk about Britney’s nethers, unwaxed pubic areas, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Marisa Miller and big feet. Plus! A nearly incomprehensible message about Alyssa Milano. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin!

The Accused: I Don’t Like You In That Way
The Crime: Mocking Britney’s nethers. The Evidence: “Britney Spears flashed her nasty ass crotch the same day she was released from UCLA Medical Center.” Points For Good Behavior: None. Just cuz everybody does it doesn’t make it right. She’s touched, OK? And at least she was wearing underwear! The Sentence: “Unmentionables” detail in a women’s prison laundry center.

The Accused: Yeeeah! The Crime: Mocking a woman’s big feet.
The Evidence: “Today’s mystery celebrity boasts a size 11 1/2 shoe. And boy, what a shoe. It’s the kind of shoe that ought to be flung from the foot of a post-op tranny in a fringed satin mini-dress and rhinestone eyelashes doing a high kick as he belts out the chorus to ‘I Will Survive.’ But mostly, it should be on the foot of someone born with balls.” Points For Good Behavior: Yeah, it was Paris Hilton, but a woman should not be judged by her massive hooves. We try not to assume that men with small feet have small dicks, so lay off. And some people like a chick with giant clodhoppers. Anyway. The Sentence: Being roundhouse-kicked in the face by Paris and some big-footed babes for about six hours.

The Accused: I Don’t Like You In That Way. The Crime: Making fun of a woman’s pubic hair. The Evidence: “‘Scandal’ must translate into something different in Mandarin, because the only thing that’s shocking to me is the horror that’s going on in between this chick’s legs. She’s 27, so if my calculations are right, they stopped selling razors or wax in China sometime around 1997. Either that or she’s giving birth to a Panda. And although that might be good news to the Panda population in the area, I’m struggling to understand how they expect me to masturbate to this.” Points for Good Behavior: None. The Sentence: This person should be force-fed a heaping bowl of pubes.

The Accused: That dude from WWTDD? who has a crush on Brad Pitt or something. The Crime: Is thinking like a 15 year old illegal? The Evidence: “And according to my calculations, Marisa Millers [sic] vagina smells like strawberries. My research prompted some drawings I made that back this up. Also they show that her vagina is serviced every day by cartoon bluebirds and there’s a rainbow and a smiling sun looking down and giving a thumbs up, as if to say, ‘lookin’ good Marisa!’” Points For Good Behavior: Well, it is supposed to be a compliment. The Sentence: The problem here is that this guy equates thinness and beauty with food and Disney brainwashing. He needs to be sent to his room and forced to read Our Bodies, Ourselves. And grow up.

The Accused: Hollywood Tuna. The Crime: Confusing the hell out of us, calling Alyssa Milano hirsute. The Evidence: “Alyssa is saving marriages everywhere, allowing us to be selfish bastards but making our significant others think we’re considerate - and she looks pretty f%#king hot while doing it. She’s the kind of girl who understand guys, maybe it’s cuz she’s as hairy as one.” Um, what? Points For Good Behavior: None. The Sentence: Getting your ass kicked by Tony Danza, while he repeatedly shouts, “Who’s the boss??”

Source: Alyssa Milano, Big Feet & Pubic Hair: That’s What Little Boys Are Afraid Of [Missdemeanors]

Limited edition Lendorff.Kaywa Scarf

Lendorff.Kaywa is a collaboration between London based pixel-knitwear designers Office Lendorff and mobile enthusiasts Kaywa from Zurich, Switzerland. This is the first in the series of Space Invader QR-code scarfs. The code holds messages that can be decoded by any mobile phone with a QR-Code scanner. A QR Code is a matrix code (or two-dimensional bar code) created by Japanese corporation Denso-Wave in 1994. The “QR” is derived from “Quick Response”, as the creator intended the code to allow its contents to be decoded at high speed. This is a limited and numbered edition of 500 scarves.

Source: Limited edition Lendorff.Kaywa Scarf

Pixel Pink Update

My Lancome Pixel Pink lippie arrived in the mail two days ago, and it is absolutely lovely. The shade has more of a blue raspberry cast than how it appears in the photo here (true to shade in this photo, though). It is very cool-toned, and the blue base makes it look incredible with blue eyes (although I suspect it is gorge on brown eyed girls and green eyed ladies as well).

Pixel Pink adds a great pop of color to the face without being too bright or heavy. It’s sheer, light, and very shiny; the Color Fever Shine formula is like a gloss lipstick. I just love the color and finish for Spring.

It’s sold out (again) on the Lancome site but I hear that Neiman Marcus will be carrying it, as well as the Lancome boutiques, where there are waiting lists. If you missed your chance the first time around, keep a lookout!

Another note: In order to get free shipping I bumped my order up to $50 with Baume Baiser, an innovative and fun little product from Gucci Westman’s Mystery Game collection. I missed this one a few months ago, because it made its debut during that black hole period when I wasn’t blogging (oops).

Baume Baiser is a pillow-shaped dome of lip balm that’s firm but spongy to the touch. When you apply it, it feels eerily like you’re kissing someone. Strange but addictive! Plus, the coconut milk scent is just delicious. Baume Baiser is a “beauty bye bye” item, so once it’s gone, it’s gone…if you want one, act now.

Source: Pixel Pink Update

New-MAC Fafi Collection

MAC Fafi Collection is the graphic expression of French graffiti artist Fafi.  The new MAC FAFI Collection includes ‘Tres Chick’ shades of lipstick, lipglass, eye shadow, eye pencil, mascara, powder blush, iridescent powder/pressed, and nail lacquer.

 

The MAC Fafi collection also includes classic zip-up rectangle MAC mini makeup bags, a trio of of Faffinate figurines specially created by Fafi, a large rectangular tote in clear plastic with the fun images of three MAC Faffinates, Fafi ‘T’ long-sleeved T printed with three MAC Faffinets, and a Fafi scarf. 

MAC Fafi Faffinate figurine
 

MAC Fafi Scarf

MAC Fafi Long-Sleeved T

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Source: New-MAC Fafi Collection

Raf Simons for Fred Perry

The Raf Simons for Fred Perry men’s line will be in stores this fall, and replaces the designer collaboration with Comme des Garçons that Fred Perry has sold for the past seven seasons. The fall collection has a body-hugging silhouette, and is available only in black. The only pop of color comes from the Fred Perry logo, which comes in a unique color for each item, such as royal blue, gold, white or forest green.
The Raf Simons initiative encompasses 13 pieces for fall, and may expand into additional categories next year. The initial agreement between Fred Perry and Simons is for two seasons, but the deal can be extended if both parties agree.

Source: Raf Simons for Fred Perry

luella.

just to skip on over back to london for a moment - i readily admit that luella bartley seems to fall by the wayside from the banks of my memory: and that is such a shame, because each time i revisit her collections, i am totally won over by her sense of fun and her tart wit.

she isn’t your typical girly-girl; the luella girl is slightly twisted, in a way i find most refreshing and appealing. not to mention the fact the her clothes seem to be infinitely wearable and totally modern…

     

Source: luella.

Gary Coleman: Now Married, Still A Virgin [Clips]

newVideoPlayer(”garycoleman_jezebel.flv”, 463, 387,”");Gary Coleman is a 40-year-old virgin, and he doesn’t care what anybody thinks because it’s his business and no one else’s. (The world learned this through an interview he gave to The Insider, so he actually sort of made it our business.) Coleman, who recently wed a woman 18-years his junior, has yet to consummate his marriage and says that doesn’t “choose to be” a virgin (we’re thinking it’s an issue of mechanics, but he thinks it might be psychological). He’s seems to be cool with it though, saying he’s “not in a hurry.” His new wife doesn’t seem to mind either. Clip above.

The look on Victoria Recano’s face during the interview was priceless.

Source: Gary Coleman: Now Married, Still A Virgin [Clips]

New-MAc Slimshine Collection

According to MAC Cosmetics PR the new MAC Slimshine Collection went on-counter last week.  MAC Slimshine Collection includes 7 new Slimshine Lipstick shades in addition to 13 ultra glossy bring-backs. Here is a list of MAC Slimshine Lipstick shades. $14.50:

Think Tan: Deep reddish brown with gold.
Assertive: Rusty brown with gold pearl.
Voile: Canary yellow with with gold pearl.
Missy: Creamy pastel coral.
Grenadine: Creamy deep blue red.
Rock Out: Creamy bright blue pink with gold pearl.
Intimidate: Creamy plummy pink.
Bare: Light neutral pink with subtle gold pearl.
Pleasing: Mid-tone violet with red and gold pearl.
Long Stem Rose: Light baby pink with subtle gold pearl.

Scant: Mid-tone dirty plum with gold pearl.
Mousse: Mid-tone caramel brown.
Lovey-Dove: Mid-tone terracotta with subtle bronze pearl.
Prudeaux: Dark rich burgundy plum.
Ultra Elegant: Light neutral beige.
Funshine: Soft apricot pink.
Urgent!: Classic mid-tone red.
Cocoamour: Neutral cool brown with matching pearl.
Most Wanted: Intense purplish-red with metallic gold shimmer.
 

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Source: New-MAc Slimshine Collection

Weekend Reads

• BellaSugar shows us the ghastly makeup at Gareth Puke…er, Pugh.
• Blogdorf Goodman dishes on one of my all time favorite products, BECCA Pressed Shimmer Powder in Gypsy.
• Beauty Snob gives La Mer Eye Concentrate a test run.
• Jolie in NYC shares two potential covers for her new book (let’s all root for option #2, please!).
• All Lacquered Up has the scoop on the nail look at Tracy Reese…and her version is WAY better than the runway look!
• We Love Beauty talks to Billy B about doing Tina Turner’s makeup for the Grammys.
• Don’t let the romance end with Valentine’s Day…Glam.com lists the 10 best places to kiss!

Source: Weekend Reads

Bond No. 9 Announces the Second Fragrance in the Warhol Series

Bond Girls, get ready.

Andy Warhol Union Square, the second fragrance in Bond No. 9’s Andy Warhol series, launches March 1. And get a load of that bottle! Gorgeous.

I loved Silver Factory, so I have high hopes for the sophomore scent. It’s a green floral, and these usually sit well with me, so I’m feeling lucky.

Notes include lily of the valley, green stem notes, sweet blue freesia, white birchwood, amber, and “silver cloud musk accord,” described as “sultry on the outside, cool and collected on the inside.”

While the Silver Factory bottle was inspired by Warhol’s Campbell Soup cans, the bottle for Union Square takes its cue from his Flowers screenprints - created in Union Square, natch.

Launching alongside the new fragrance are two super-luxe gifts - we’ll look at those tomorrow, so check back soon!

Source: Bond No. 9 Announces the Second Fragrance in the Warhol Series