November 2007

Comparing A Vadge To Cottage Cheese Is A Love Letter We Will Tear The Fuck Up [Missdemeanors]

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, where we issue a virtual spanking to the internet’s most popular bloggers for their Crimes Against Womanity. After a slow week last week - aside from the scandal of posting Rian from The Skinny’s photo - we’re back in business! Jenny and her little bitch Todd continue to irk us on I Don’t Like You In That Way, while a newbie - Drunken Stepfather - makes them look like Mr. Rogers in the Land of Make Believe. But as usual, Rian continues to remind us why posting that photo of her last week was totally obligatory (to quote her sorry ass). Let the Jezebel Justice System begin.

The Charge: Rampant Hypocrisy
The Accused: “Wah, wah, they’re being mean to me and my little innocent blog!” whiner Rian from The Skinny. How’s it feel to finally get picked first for something?
The Evidence: “Hayden Panettiere has been photographed leaving the gym nearly every day lately. Here are some new pictures from this past Friday…And, the obligatory cellulite photo.”
Points for Good Behavior: None. So over this chick and her dumb blog and her own weight loss “journey.” which is clearly fucked up. Hayden However-You-Spell-Her-Last-Name is like Olsen-sized and totally cute and there’s no such thing as “an obligatory cellulite photo” unless you are a fat-obsessed asshat who spends her days analyzing the tiny weight fluctuations of celebrities. You know what those tiny fluctuations are, Rian? Bowel movements. Try it.
The Sentence: Participating in a mayonnaise eating competition.

The Charge: Multiple counts of Vulgarizing the Vagina
The Accused: The mysterious person — male we assume — who blogs for Drunken Stepfather.
The Evidence: “I was always so disappointed every time I’d get with a hot girl who had a perfect body only to find out that her vagina either looked like a pinkish brown bowl of cottage cheese or smelled like a fuckin’ sewer. I am sure I wasn’t as disappointed as they were when they found out that my penis looked more like a vagina that their vagina did, because let’s face it, girls like huge cock and not over-sized clits, unless they are lesbians/rape victims, in which case they don’t like any cock, and I never really minded fucking a bowl of cottage cheese, as long as it wasn’t too cold…because I have no real standards.”
Points For Good Behavior: It’s kind of clear he’s insane?
The Sentence: Prefaced with “run-on”, and [Insert equally as offensive prison rape joke.]

The Charge: Fat-ernizing
The Accused: Basically bland Nick from Celeb Slam.
The Evidence: “Man, Bill Gates played this all wrong. Don’t get me wrong, if I was as rich as him, I’d have gone to the concert, too. But at the end of the show I would have presented Kelly with a beautiful gift basket full of candy and pastries. I might have even taken her for a night out on the town, wining and dining her at one of Seattle’s finest restaurants. On me of course. And then the next day I would have bought her production company and fired her for being fat.”
Points for Good Behavior: In general, Celeb Slam is fairly link and boob-photo heavy and therefore about as offensive as an issue of Maxim. Like, it goes without saying that the standards for “fat” by which women are judged is totally different from the ones for men. But jokes about Kelly Clarkson being fat are boring and stupid. Wait, actually, jokes about any woman being fat are boring and stupid. But with Kelly Clarkson, it’s like, you can almost see her rolling her eyes. Like, maybe once upon a time your insult would drive me to the Little Debbie aisle. Like when I was twelve.
The Sentence: Pretty sure being boring and predictable is punishment enough.

The Charge: Hurting Our Feelings
The Accused: Todd from I Don’t Like You In That Way.
The Evidence: “Plus [Alicia Keys] has acne, and it’s common knowledge that God hates chicks with acne.”
Points for Good Behavior: Jenny and Todd have been pretty meh lately which is why we’ve been laying off them, because we’re fair cunts, but this one hit us where it hurts, namely the acne scars we have from the teenage years spent on Accutane, which was doubly annoying because HELLO IT MAKES NO SENSE.
The Sentence: Butt-ne!

The Charge: Unreasonable Uglifying
The Accused: As-yet-unnamed person behind F-Listed, a site which is way too lame to have a name that resembles Michael K’s totally brill DListed.
The Evidence: “To think that Maggie Gyllenhaal popped out of the same crack as brother Jake is absolutely inconceivable. Talk about an unfortunate looking face. I’ve seen anal cavities more attractive than her.”
Points for Good Behavior: F-Listed uses the word “snatch” a little often for us to give any points in its favor. Also, Maggie Gyllenhaal is totally cute, if a little droopy eyed.
The Sentence: FListed’s one lone reader, besides us, discovers DListed and defects.

The Charge: Vulgarizing the Vagina
The Accused: He’s baaaaackkkk! Perez Hilton returns after a few weeks off.
The Evidence: A picture of Lauren Conrad with the word “BEEF!” scrawled on it, referencing his (and Spencer Pratt’s!) nickname for her, “Beef Curtains”.
Points for Good Behavior: Well clearly he’s been behaving himself lately since we haven’t been including him in our roundup. But we knew another “beef curtains” reference would come along eventually, sending us into a fury that a guy who’s never been up close and personal with a vagina (since birth, at least) feels like he can comment on the attractiveness of one woman’s below the belt action.
The Sentence: Well, if Perez eventually loses his fair use paparazzi photo stealing case, he won’t be scrawling anything anywhere anymore. Victory!

Source: Comparing A Vadge To Cottage Cheese Is A Love Letter We Will Tear The Fuck Up [Missdemeanors]

Sexiest Body In The World

1) Scarlett Johansson

2) Jessica Alba

3) Gisele Bundchen

4) Jennifer Aniston

5) Angelina Jolie

6) Mischa Barton

7) Rachel Bilson

Beyonce

9) Jennifer Lopez

10) Kelly Brook

Source: Sexiest Body In The World

Such A Cute Hilary Duff STUFF Denim Blazer [Style Tots]

I’m not much of a Hiary Duff fan but this denim blazer from her clothing line, STUFF is cute. For girls of course. . I love denim jackets on kids. I love the painted flower detail on the shoulder and the frayed edges are just too cute for words. You can buy it for your girl for only $15

STYLE TOTS TIP : Just don’t let your daughter wear this denim blazer with any other denims. It would be better if she wears a denim jacket over a nice dress .

Blazers For Girls, Fall Winter, Girls Fashion, Girls Jackets, Hilary duff, Hilary Duff Clothes, Hilary duff Denim Blazer, Hilary Duff Stuff, Stuff clothing

Source: Such A Cute Hilary Duff STUFF Denim Blazer [Style Tots]

The Versatile Cargo Pants For Boys [Style Tots]

A pair of of cargo pants is a must have in any boy’s closet. This ECKO Unltd. Belted Cargo pants is a perfect example of a nice pair. Wear it any shirts, polo, ring tees, and dress shirts. When it comes to shoes, you can wear it with canvas sneakers, hi-top or low-top boots. Cargo pants can go from casual to dressy. Seriously, the possibilities of combinations are endless. Btw, this Ecko Cargo pants is only $15 and is available in size and 6.

Belted Cargo pants, Boys Cargo pants, ECKO Kids, ECKO Pants, ECKO Unltd Cargo Pants, Kids Cargo Pants, Style Tots Tips

Source: The Versatile Cargo Pants For Boys [Style Tots]

Why We Named The World’s Worst Parents [Soapbox]

So, you know how we named the alleged “Worst Parents In The Universe”? Well we’re not supposed to do that again until we get our hands on some “proof” or some shit, because of some Gawker Media corporate directive made obviously not by me. But, truth be told, I think the diligent reporter who broke the story of how a couple of residents of suburban St. Louis Myspace-tormented 13-year-old girl Megan Meier into committing suicide should do the honors, as do a lot of readers of his newspaper and a lot of nerdy reporter types who read Romenesko. And while Steve Pokin has not really said much about why he decided not to name the parents, his old editor offers a fleshed out defense of the decision to excercise (ahem) discretion to this end in the Romenesko comments:

It’s easy for some blogger in New York City (who likely doesn’t have to deal with these kinds of decisions and their real-world impact) to shoot his or her mouth off.

I resent that! Though it’s true.

I would also urge everyone to think about Bob Steele’s three key values/principles related to ethical decision making: 1. Seek truth and report it as fully as possible 2. Act independently 3. Minimize harm Clearly, there is a conflict between principles 1 and 3 in this story. So how do you resolve them? You think carefully and consider all of the ramifications and options. Then you make the best decision you can. In this case, they felt minimizing harm was more important than a full and complete report. I tend to agree. What public interest or good would be served by publishing their names other than satisfying a collective blood lust? The public interest here was warning parents to be vigilant and aware, and identifying a potential legal loophole or problem. Revenge and punishment aren’t our business.

And it made me mad.

To say that “warning parents to be vigilant” is the lesson the world can learn from all this is such utter bullshit. Read the story again. The Meiers are divorced now, because Tina Meier blames herself for her daughter’s death, even as she obsessively monitored her daughter’s use of MySpace. The whole point of this is that parents cannot protect their children from 95% of the bad shit out there. They can never be as vigilant as they would like. And the truth is, while the internet has certainly exacerbated this dilemma, parents never really could protect their kids from the sources of life’s most devastating blows: the clashes of the neurons and hormones, the quickness with which so many people sacrifice their independent thought in groups, getting dumped.

The best you can do is try and instill in them the importance of loving their neighbors as they love themselves, of forgiving one another as they would like to be forgiven for the shitty things they have done, of being nice to one another and always using condoms. That all men are created equal, some just have shittier parents and you can’t do anything about that. That men will fuck mud and all men cheat.

Etc. Etc.

And hope it sticks. But it never does! Because they’re kids, and Jesus and Martin Luther King and all them are not showing up at school in Roxy or whatever. It’s not real.

This is real. And the realer it can be to a larger audience, the more CNN producers that can descend upon this town and tell it, the more likely it is to make it out to a kid or twenty who could really use a real-life lesson in the pointless damage caused by bullying; the real danger that exists when people
forget their basic human empathy. Without names, the story stays in the realm of “hearsay.” And quite frankly, this story is too important for that.

And finally, to the notion of minimizing “harm” — this call was made to minimize harm to the newspaper’s reputation in the community. To minimize the extent to which Steve Pokin gets blamed for a “media circus.” Because whatever harm might befall the poor 14-year-old daughter of this couple is, sadly, the tiniest speck in the realm of the damage they have already done, and in the long run, if she can come to see their actions with the revulsion the world does, she is better-off.

Source: Why We Named The World’s Worst Parents [Soapbox]

Beauty Reviews: Pink Beauty Day 3

This was the best picture I could come up with!
Day 3 of Pink Beauty was a nice relaxing day outing with my son and husband. I wanted a natural but girly look today. I decided on doing a neutral eye and added black liquid liner winged out a bit to give it that girly-feminine quality. I concentrated more colour on the cheeks and left my lips a nice soft neutral. This is definitely a look you can wear everyday and to change it up just add a darker lip colour to spice it up for the evening. Here is how I achieved the looks and the products I used.

The look:
To achieve that natural look you still have to put a bit of effort into it. Your goal is to even out your skin tone without over powdering or over concealing. You want your skin to look luminous and not shiny. For the eyes, I applied Eye Splendor Eye Shadow in Worshiped, an almost matte neutral beige, all over from lash line to brow bone. I’ve used this colour as a base for the past 2 days because it’s such a great neutral! To make my eye go from bland to glam, I added a black liquid liner to the top lash line only applying it from the center of the eye to the outer corner. Since it was still day time, I winged it out and up just a bit to give it that flirtiness without looking over done. To make my cheeks look dewy and fresh, I applied Cream Radiance Rouge in Delight, a rosy-pink, to the apples of my cheeks ( I also used this on my cousin for Day 1). For those of you that have naturally rosy cheeks, this colour was specifically designed for women with redness because it doesn’t add more red to the skin. The base is more browny than red. To finish off the look, I swiped on Lip Scintillate Lip Gloss in Sashay (which was named after the creator’s husband Sasha! aww), a sheer plumy-brown.

The result:
The look was fresh and girly just like I wanted. I still wanted to look polished but in a natural way. The cream blushes are fantastic because they smell like roses and they dry to a powder finish. It makes my skin look luminous without looking oily and doesn’t stick to my hair like some that I have tried. I also love how buildable the blushes are. I kept applying until I reached my desired look. The Lip Scintillate Lip Glosses feel wonderful on and has a thicker finish than the Glamour Glaze Lip Gloss and is not sticky at all. The plumy-brown hue of Sashay went on sheer and is a perfect neutral for everyday. And did I mention how yummy all the glosses smell?? Stay tuned for Day 4 of Pink Beauty where I’ll be waiting on the side lines at the Santa Claus parade (that’s one of the best things about having kids - you get to be a kid again!) Happy shopping!

Source: Beauty Reviews: Pink Beauty Day 3

Attention Georgia Peaches: Faeryland Emporium is coming soon! [The Scented Life: All about fragrance]

If you’re near the Athens or even Atlanta, Georgia metro areas, you need to make a visit to Faeryland Emporium’s grand opening in Comer, Georgia. Instead of bothering with Black Friday shopping, take the magical road instead.
Faeryland Emporium is a magickally funky, colorful, and whimsical world of shopping enchantment! You will find every nook and cranny filled with delights for the eyes, heart, and spirit. From apothecary style natural perfumes to miles of glittering jewelry and faery goods, from handmade felted mini-friends to organic gourmet teas, they’ve got everything your heart could hope for all under one Faerylandish roof! Enter a world of lush, mossy greens, deep sensuous purples, funky orange ribbons, vintage pink velvets, and glitter beyond the imagination. If it’s enchanted, mystical, or FUN, they’ve got it. Fair trade, handmade, and organic goods rock the house at Faeryland, too.

shopping

Source: Attention Georgia Peaches: Faeryland Emporium is coming soon! [The Scented Life: All about fragrance]

Hello 2001

Today I rewinded back a few years to circa 2001, when I was concerned with what uni I was going to get into and whether I’d finish my A-level art coursework on time.  Perhaps because I was running doing very 2001-esque things today on a grey Saturday; going to Paperchase for art supplies, picking up something from the Chinese bakery, listening to the same music I listened to pre-uni, eating at a cafe that I hadn’t been to in years.  Similarly, my outfit reflected those sixth-form days when I was stuck on knee-high socks even in the coldest of winters, had a plaid obsession, ONLY wore flat shoes and of course, layered to my heart’s content much to my art classmates’ curiosity who wondered if I could wear a different outfit everyday to school.    It’s not that I don’t do or wear any of the things above anymore….but all of it on one day equals total re-immersion into my 2001. 

A bit of 2001-music chunk: was I the only one who was quite into the short-lived band Haven? 

Source: Hello 2001